Spy
The Sunday Age
Sunday December 22, 2002
Oh brother, what a mess
WHEN the McGoldrick boys set up house, it is kind of difficult not to notice they are there. At Mornington, to the eternal chagrin of council and neighbours, defrocked doctor and ex-bankrupt Ian "The Golden Mac" McGoldrick, right, plods on slowly with his five-year DIY building project, the grass on the block now towering higher than an elephant's eye.
Meanwhile, far away at Lilydale, the Golden Mac's brother, Edward, has just moved an army truck with crane in to his front yard (below) to join the other stuff spread across the block. Old Car bodies, bits of refrigerators, machinery covered with a tarpaulin marked "X-rays available seven days": they have all featured at Brother of Mac's makeshift suburban junk yard.
"They started revving the engine on the truck at 10.30 one night," said one neighbour. "My husband yelled out the window at them. We asked where the truck came from. He said his friend had three but had lost his mind."
There certainly are eerie similarities. As recorded in Spy, the Golden Mac dug postholes for his Mornington building project clad only in droopy undies. Neighbors at Lilydale say Brother of Mac has been seen rolling his wheely bin out in similar attire.
And, according to another neighbor, the very large son of Brother of Mac once took such umbrage at his own car that, clad in underwear with the same elastic fatigue, he climbed on the roof and jumped up and down Fawlty-style to exact retribution.
There has also been the Fence Problem. "When we sold the house next door," says a former next-door neighbour, "we agreed to replace the side fence. Edward pulled it down but then left the old fence sitting in his front yard for six months while the grass grew around it.
"When the builder arrived to build a new one, Edward's wife would not allow him to use the power. Work didn't start for three days. Edward is petrified of his wife. She's is a big Welsh lady. When I phoned to tell her work on the fence was going to start, she hung up three times."
Spy phoned Ed, brother of Mac, to check on all this but the number rang out. Yarra Ranges Council, which sent out two officers and wrote a letter to him about the mess, has had the same communications problem. Ed's daughter, Laura, told council her father was responsible for the property even though a check shows it is registered to Litmus Towers Pty Ltd.
"A second letter will go out then, after a third letter, enforcement," said council. We wish them luck.
Not likely
YOU would reckon Darren James would be a Monty for Clunker of the Year after asking Daniel Grollo, on air, how his mum was, 12 months after her funeral. But no. The Hun is right in there with a report claiming Christopher Reeve, the world's most prominent quadriplegic, said he would "jump at the chance" to speak to a spinal injury forum in NSW next month. Would that he could.
WHO'S the new Bracksy minister who forgot the name of his/her allocated driver and had no idea how to make contact to get to a series of meetings for the day?
MUCH nudge-nudging at the sight of Dean Mighell, the ALP and ETU cheerleader who turned Green, floating about at the Christmas party for five Labor MPs at Trades Hall Thursday. Turned out to be a guest of new Senator Gavin Marshall.
Pucker up
MORE from the Poppy remainder bin. It seems the broken lipstick stump that used to be the Poppy King empire was renamed just before being flogged off last month by her former squeeze, poorer rich kid Adam Trescowthick. Our snout has discovered the corpse that was Poppy Industries is now called DBSN No 1, raising the immediate question of whether there are DBSNs Numbers 2, 3, or 4 to come. And, given the millions of other people's money lost by the Popster in her quest for cosmetic glory, we can only speculate about those letters. D for Destitute? B for Broke? S for Skint? And, how about N for Not-a-cracker?
Dean and gone
THINGS are going swimmingly for the legal boys. Law Institute president David Faram, in a letter to members in this month's journal, declares the institute has "continued an excellent dialogue with the state Attorney-General Rob Hulls and representatives from the Department of Justice. We have also reinvented our relationship with the shadow
attorney-general, Dr Robert Dean." Back to the ol' drawing board, Dave.
Ding-a-ling
THE way things are going, 3AW will soon employ a little man, waving a yellow flag to walk in front of Stan Zemaniac. The little man may even ring a bell when Zemaniac is about to appear, so we can all run and hide. In the meantime, AW memos are doing a fair job screening off the public from the station's ranting drivetime dodo. Spy has got hold of a memo from program chief Clark Forbes that told staff on Monday: "Be aware that there must be no (repeat NO) crosses/interviews with Stan Zemanek aboard the yacht Magnavox during the Sydney-Hobart or other sailing events over the summer holiday period ? Should Zemanek offer his services during an on-air program the request must (repeat MUST) be declined." Clang-clang (repeat CLANG-CLANG), here comes Stanley!
Booty-free
LATEST bulletin from the nerve-tingling area of Point Nepean: that local Libs Greg Hunt and Martin Dixon held a "Christmas party" next to the ex-army helipad that Lindsay Fox is trying to get his claws on. "It was actually a cargo-cult function," Dixon told Spy. "We were waiting for Lindsay to come down and look after us with booty from the election." Dixon, who squeaked back in to office by half a Greenie's chin whisker, later confessed that, if it was not a cargo cult, it was a party fund-raiser to familiarise locals with the area.
Christmas Quiz
ANOTHER year of stumbles, gaffes and cream pies for those hapless but loveable folk who entertain us on the Spy page. Pick the correct answers in Spy's 2002 Christmas Quiz and you can win:
• A weekend for two in a premier room at the Melbourne Marriott Hotel including breakfast.
• Weekend at the St Kilda's Hotel Tolarno plus a one-hour fitness session with New Level Personal Training.
• A $150 dinner at Sam and Shadi Zeneldin's great new restaurant in Port Melbourne: No. 3 Station Pier.
• Family pass for Oliver at the Regent Theatre.
• And, to prepare for New Year, half a dozen packs of the new all-natural Alcodol hangover treatment.
Entries to lmoney@theage.com.au or (on the back of an envelope to) PO Box 257C, Melbourne 3001.
1. SPY had a call in June from Sydney motormouth Harry M. Miller wanting to know where in blazes we got that photo of his face looking like a twisted Reebok. Spy told him (a) his face always looked like that; (b) his face used to look like that; (c) it was one of several taken at a party and he should be grateful we chose that one.
2. INVESTIGATING the annus horribilis of John Dorman Elliott, Spy discovered in November that (a) the house he bought for the latest ex-wife is registered in his name, not hers; (b) his Carlton bachelor pad was haunted by a non-smoker; (c) he has actually been wearing a rubber nose all this time.
3. VAST and crushing wealth is not the only burden weighing down tycoon Victor Smorgon who, having sold his Toorak mansion to Steve Vizard, took up residency in a Como penthouse. Spy reported in September that poor Vic has had to (a) put a sign on his underground car park to ward off interlopers; (b) instal a lift to carry his wallet to the upper floor.
4. TAMIE and Mal Fraser came second in a golf comp at the National in September. But what really impressed was that (a) Mal did not lose his trousers; (b) Tamie won two prizes for driving off the tee on to the green closest to the pin. On PAR-FOUR holes!
5. FOR reasons that are still unclear, two colourful but unlikely characters keeled over in July within weeks of each other, hitting the Axminster at the ale palace known as Percy's Bar and Grill. They were (a) Bruce Ruxton and Desmond Tutu; (b) QC Colin Lovitt and ex-ruckman Percy Jones, proprietor of the aforesaid establishment.
6. EERIE synchronicity when, just before battling Bobby Doyle got kicked in the backside by the electorate, Spy revealed that (a) his father-in-law, VRC chief Andrew Ramsden, got kicked in the breadbasket by a horse; (b) Bobby kicked a Labor voter in the backside.
Pucker up
MORE from the Poppy remainder bin. It seems the broken lipstick stump that used to be the Poppy King empire was renamed just before being flogged off last month by her former squeeze, poorer rich kid Adam Trescowthick. Our snout has discovered the corpse that was Poppy Industries is now called DBSN No 1, raising the immediate question of whether there are DBSNs Numbers 2, 3, or 4 to come. And, given the millions of other people's money lost by the Popster in her quest for cosmetic glory, we can only speculate about those letters. D for Destitute? B for Broke? S for Skint? And, how about N for Not-a-cracker?
Dean and gone
THINGS are going swimmingly for the legal boys. Law Institute president David Faram, in a letter to members in this month's journal, declares the institute has "continued an excellent dialogue with the state Attorney-General Rob Hulls and representatives from the Department of Justice. We have also reinvented our relationship with the shadow
attorney-general, Dr Robert Dean." Back to the ol' drawing board, Dave.
Ding-a-ling
THE way things are going, 3AW will soon employ a little man, waving a yellow flag to walk in front of Stan Zemaniac. The little man may even ring a bell when Zemaniac is about to appear, so we can all run and hide. In the meantime, AW memos are doing a fair job screening off the public from the station's ranting drivetime dodo. Spy has got hold of a memo from program chief Clark Forbes that told staff on Monday: "Be aware that there must be no (repeat NO) crosses/interviews with Stan Zemanek aboard the yacht Magnavox during the Sydney-Hobart or other sailing events over the summer holiday period ? Should Zemanek offer his services during an on-air program the request must (repeat MUST) be declined." Clang-clang (repeat CLANG-CLANG), here comes Stanley!
Booty-free
LATEST bulletin from the nerve-tingling area of Point Nepean: that local Libs Greg Hunt and Martin Dixon held a "Christmas party" next to the ex-army helipad that Lindsay Fox is trying to get his claws on. "It was actually a cargo-cult function," Dixon told Spy. "We were waiting for Lindsay to come down and look after us with booty from the election." Dixon, who squeaked back in to office by half a Greenie's chin whisker, later confessed that, if it was not a cargo cult, it was a party fund-raiser to familiarise locals with the area.
Even better than a Daddo
THEY wanted someone famous to judge the Mount Eliza shopping centre's best Christmas window. Tony Barber was one suggestion. The panel thought not. One of the multitudinous Daddos? Nope. Then someone had a brainwave and it was unanimous: Billy Brownless's mum, Annette, an irregular on The Footy Show. Why not? We hear Mrs Brownless, who may wind up more famous than her son, once made an appearance in the Myer windows!
Your number's up
25 NOT far wrong was Spy's tip (December 1) of five new female silks. In fact, there were six persons of the feminine gender in the poll-delayed batch of 25 new senior counsel gonged last week. But figure this: the 19 guy SCs have an average of 25 years eagling on the clock, with 21.5 years at the bar, while the six women SCs have had only 16.5 years (13.5 years). Is this fast-tracking or are the ladies smarter? So figure this: in the whole list of seasoned eagles (10 years and over at the Bar), women make up 10 per cent of the numbers but field only 7 per cent of the silks. And how many women are partners of city law firms? Nix, nil and zero, y'Honour!
1/2 MONDAY morning, and half the escalators at Flagstaff station were shut down with a notice alerting commuter sardines that, in the interests of energy conservation, M Trains were closing these down in off-peak periods. Looks as if it was the power bills from the privatised power companies that sent the privatised train company broke.
83 SO Mr Richard Davies, of the automotive firm Davies Craig, takes a 7383-yen cheque to the NAB and deposits it in his special account for Japanese currency. NAB has just told him the cheque was "too small" and it had been rejected. And he had been charged 2000 yen for the bother. 5383 left!
CAN it be 50 years since mountain-busting Ed Hillary brought the Big E to heel? Indeed it is, which is why Ed is heading for Melbourne in February. He has been here before. In 1959 (during the glorious Demon football era), he visited the Yarra village and was suitably feted. Activities included lunch with premiership captain Ron Barassi in the restaurant atop the old National Mutual building. Ed recalls: "I caught a cab and mentioned this to the driver who asked me for an autograph." The cabbie was pretty chuffed when Ed obliged. "Wow," he said, "an autograph of someone who's met Ron Barassi!"
Spyphone: (03) 9601 2116 Spyfax: (03) 9601 3103
Spywire: lmoney@sundayage.fairfax.com.au
© 2002 The Sunday Age